


Is It Gay To Hold Your Best Friend While He's Crying?

by StarStickerX



Series: Ash/Satoshi X Goh Oneshots [3]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28112859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarStickerX/pseuds/StarStickerX
Summary: Ash is sad for feeling things he shouldn't and Goh is soft and tender to him in return.
Relationships: Gou | Goh/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Series: Ash/Satoshi X Goh Oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945054
Comments: 9
Kudos: 103





	Is It Gay To Hold Your Best Friend While He's Crying?

Ash stifles a sob. He shouldn’t be doing this, he knows. Goh is slumbering above him peacefully, and he knows one noise gone wrong will awaken a protective Pikachu or an annoyed Cinderace. Attention is the last thing Ash needs, and yet it is the thing he craves most. 

His silent sobs are needy, sucking in air long and deep for the need to feel full and complete, and exhaling long and heavy, hoping to reach some sort of comfort with his cries. It’s a pitiful sight, to say the least. He clutches his pillow like it’s a lifeline, feeling the need to pull it closer and throw it as hard as he can at the same time. He needs to pull it together, to maintain steady breathing, to stop his trembling hands, to empty his head of every thought. But he feels years away from calming down, guilt-ridden and tense. 

Ash wasn’t stupid, he knows. He can be air-headed, and impulsive, and reckless, and a million other negative adjectives, but he knew he was smart enough to know that the way he’s been processing his emotions hasn’t been the most efficient. He’s supposed to be happy, optimistic, a leader, and he’s not supposed to feel much else or his friends end up uncomfortable and angry. 

He’s started venting by writing, though not always coherently. He spills his words and thoughts onto paper, tiring himself out emotionally and physically until the bad feeling is gone and processed, then he crumples it up and throws it away, never to be seen again. It’s been therapeutic, and it provides a great release for him until Chloe finds one of his balls of paper wadded up next to the trash can where he’s missed. It’s his fault really, for not noticing that the paper falls off the rim and to the ground, for including a small frustration about her in it. 

She’s understandably angry and concerned, telling Ash that the things he’s written are simply untrue. He knows that. It was his brain blowing things out of proportion again, expressing feelings that he knows come from unreliable thoughts but they’re feelings he needs to get out nonetheless. He tells her it won’t happen again. Ash stops writing. 

It may have been better to explain the truth, and he feels guilty for that too. He whimpers, muffled by his hands and tears. 

Before Ash can process what is happening, he is being tugged up to sit on the mattress by a force he recognizes as Goh, (when had he woken up? I hope I didn’t disturb him,) and attentive thumbs are wiping tears from his eyes. 

“Ash!” Goh shouts, but it’s not angry, it’s rather soft, despite how submerged in water Goh sounds right now. “Ash, are you okay?” Ash is trying his hardest to stop the deadpan that is gracing his features (do I look okay?) and chooses to nod numbly instead. His eyes are clouded with tears so he’s not sure where to look, but soft touches with Goh’s fingers start to take the water from his eyelids anyway. Ash’s erratic breathing slows into something more solid and routine, and the increasingly becoming more clear Goh looks semi-relieved. The relief doesn’t last long. He still looks distressed, and Ash is weighed with more guilt at worrying his friend. 

“C‘mere,” Goh says, and Ash is slowly engulfed in a warm hug. Ash feels like a bother, but he craves the affection so much that he buries his face in Goh’s neck, shaking with unmuted sobs again. “, let it out Ash, it’s okay. I’m here.” And he is, Goh is right there listening to every heart-wrenching sob and cry, every babble and apology, every plea to not let go of Ash. He follows suit, rocking Ash back and forth, rubbing his back, encouraging when needed. It’s enough to make Ash tire himself out. 

Ash has already given his excuses and apologies, but when he is calm enough that his breathing is even and the tears stop, he starts explaining and apologizing for himself. Goh immediately tears himself out of the embrace, which Ash whines at, worried that Goh will stop the comfort. He doesn’t, but he puts a finger to Ash’s lips to silence him. 

“None of that. There’s nothing to be sorry for, and I don’t need you to justify yourself. Just tell me what’s wrong,” Goh relaxes and removes his finger in favor of guiding Ash back to his shoulder. Ash resumes position without opposition. “, I’m here to listen.” 

And Ash does, trembling every few sentences or so, but Goh is there to squeeze him softly and reassure him, and Ash picks up where he leaves off every time, ending his explanation in a matter of a few minutes instead of the hour-long spiral he had been in minutes before. Goh immediately praises him and offers lots of encouraging words. He finds Ash’s hands with his own and holds them softly, intertwining fingers and squeezing gently. 

Ash has calmed down now, but he doesn’t allow himself to move away. He keeps his face buried into Goh’s shoulder, and he prays the arms around his torso won’t let go for a while. If Goh is bothered by his clinginess he doesn’t show it, but rather encourages it as he reaches the hand that isn’t currently running circles into Ash’s back and runs his fingers through Ash’s hair. 

“Let’s go talk to Chloe about this tomorrow, okay?” Goh says, and Ash makes somewhat of a confused and terrified noise. Goh has never seen this side of Ash before, scared and vulnerable. He’s only ever seen him confident and collected, pouring his time and energy into making him and his Pokémon stronger, and when he isn’t he’s helping Goh with the same thing. He’s challenging and strong, compassionate and understanding, he’s Goh’s new way of life, and being with Ash every day is enough for Goh to say he loves him, but never in front of the other of course. This side of Ash has only been seen once or twice with the exception that it is always mellowed out, always calm, as if a sea were at unrest, waves crashing at the dock but never once brave enough to flood. But this time, Ash is flooding. 

“No,” Ash whispers, voice hoarse. His breathing picking up a little speed “don’t tell her…” Goh hums a small tune before diving into the ocean water again. 

“She needs to know she upset you, and that what happened was just a misunderstanding. She won’t be angry at you.” Goh’s voice is unfairly soft, and Ash can feel his eyes trying to flutter close. He fights the sleep in favor of talking this through, it’s what Goh deserves after he’s soaked his shirt. “And I’ll be right beside you, if you get scared, or if you feel like it’s overwhelming. I’ll be right next to you.” Ash feels like he might cry for a different now, not because of the remaining residue of sadness in his system, but because of the amount of tenderness being given to him. Ash feels like he doesn’t deserve it. 

Nevertheless, Ash nods a little, too exhausted to speak up. He says “Okay.” before hugging Goh a little tighter. Goh laughs softly, and Ash decides that it’s the best sound he’s heard tonight, Goh’s laughter bringing about a level of peacefulness in his chest that hadn’t been there before. Ash feels himself smile slightly. 

It’s a few minutes of silence in the embrace, Ash soaking up the warmth in Goh’s arms and Goh making sure Ash is okay and doesn’t need anything else. 

“You’re not gonna let go, are you?” Goh asks, amused. Ash shakes his head, and Goh laughs at the accidental nuzzles into his shoulder. Goh would be absolutely freaking out if this were any other situation, but Ash is distressed, and as such does not need any of his gay pinings tonight. 

“Alright, hold on, let me go for just a second,” Ash has an iron grip on Goh and hesitates, but his arms melt away in a few seconds. He intentionally doesn’t remove his face from Goh’s shoulder, and Goh laughs at the stupid position he’s in. “, and I’ll move us so we’re more comfortable tonight.”

Goh holds up Ash by his arms and expertly lays him back down on the mattress, a bit further back this time. Goh joins him, lying down and pulling Ash back towards him, who immediately pushes his face into Goh’s chest. Goh laughs, if not flustered. 

“Is this okay?” He asks anyway, not wanting to put Ash in an uncomfortable position, though it seems like Ash has already accepted it in full. Ash nods and makes a small noise of confirmation. “Good.”

They sit there for a bit until Ash drifts off, then Goh allows himself to drift off too, willing to never admit that he’s snuggled a bit closer to Ash too. 

—

Ash is expecting to wake up to Goh in the morning, but he wakes up to nothing there, not even Pikachu, who had been sleeping behind his leg when he drifted off. He wonders how Pikachu hadn’t woken up with everything that happened last night— all of last night’s memories are flooding back to him and Ash flushes a little— and decides that if Pikachu has woken up, it had probably let Goh take care of him by himself, confident that Goh could solve the issue. 

Ash wonders where Goh is, misses his presence already, but he doesn’t for long before the door opens back up, Goh, Pikachu, Cinderace, and Sobble entering at all at once. Goh is holding a tray, but Ash’s face is too buried in his pillow to look up and see what Goh has. 

“Good morning Ash.” Goh smiles, Ash is immediately put at ease. Ash returns the good morning, voice thankfully stronger. 

“I made you breakfast, in bed, I hope you don’t mind. I know how much you hate getting out of bed in the morning.” Oh. Ash is hit with another pang of guilt, but Goh is excellent at reading Ash by now. “None of that, I wanted to do this, okay?” Goh smiles brightly and Ash’s turmoil immediately ceases. “Relax. Besides, I made you your favorite.” Goh hands Ash the tray, and upon examination, Goh had made his favorite. Ash smiles.

“Thanks, Goh!” Ash beams at Goh, and Goh decides he likes Ash’s smile much more than the tear-stained face he saw last night. Ash pauses, then softly adds “, for everything.”


End file.
